Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
