If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
