All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
