I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
