my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
