you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
