Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My vagina is officially offended.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
