Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i would punch a child for taco bell
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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