Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
