census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize