Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
