i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I need to sanitize my soul.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
