This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
