Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
