Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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