rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
