You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
