paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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