you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
