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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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