When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
