you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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