; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
