Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
