oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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