I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize