make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
