Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize