Michael Bay diarrhea
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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