3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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