i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
