dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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