Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
