The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
