they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize