Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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