I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
