does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
