I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
