Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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