THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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