I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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