Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I touched a dick in church today
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
