No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
