He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
