I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
