im six kinds of drunk right now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
