I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I need water and some morals
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
