fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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