if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
