yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the condom got lost in my hair
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
