a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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