He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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