I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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