The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
