cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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