1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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