Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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