We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
