So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
