Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
